Funny

Tiny funny things

Posted by on Jul 18, 2013 in Funny | 0 comments

Tiny funny things

Some moments that have made me laugh lately. To set the scene: Mike is currently house-sitting for friends of ours in Vientiane who own a very affectionate cat that is often around begging to be petted when I’m on Skype with Mike. I’m in my bedroom dialing Mike. Dominic is playing on the floor. Me: “Dominic! Look who’s on Skype!! It’s Daddy!!”Dominic (runs over and climbs into my lap. He looks delighted … and then confused): “Cat?” Mike: “Hi Dominic!!!”Me: “It’s Daddy, do you want to say hello to Daddy??”Dominic (completely ignoring Mike): “Cat? Cat?”Mike...

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Dear Dad, Love Dominic

Posted by on Jul 26, 2012 in Funny, Parenting | 0 comments

Dear Dad, Love Dominic

Dear Dad, Mum said that since we haven’t seen each other for almost three weeks now and you’re all by yourself in Sri Lanka at the moment, it would be nice of me to write and tell you all the news Well. Important things first. You must tell Mum to stop putting me down on that horrible green furry stuff that’s just everywhere outside. It makes no sense. She scolds me for ripping leaves off the plant in the kitchen, and she doesn’t want me picking things up off the floor and putting them in my mouth, but she regularly abandons me to whatever might be lurking in that filthy fuzzy carpet...

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Dear Dad, Love Dominic (A letter for Father’s Day)

Posted by on Jun 17, 2012 in Funny, Parenting | 10 comments

Dear Dad, Love Dominic (A letter for Father’s Day)

Dear Dad, This is the 2nd Father’s Day you’ve had since I was born, and I’m not even a year old yet. Mum says that America and Australia have different Father’s Days, so there are two Father’s Days every year and only one Mother’s Day. Then she says “Figures” in the same tone she says “Of course he did” when you tell her that Zulu’s fetched another dirty diaper from the trash and ripped it apart on our front step. Just between you and me, I don’t understand why she feels hard done by. You made her a lovely card last month for Mothers Day with pictures of me on it...

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10 Ways My Baby Is Like My Dog

Posted by on Jun 15, 2012 in Funny, Parenting | 9 comments

10 Ways My Baby Is Like My Dog

(Yes, that is the dog’s water bowl. Yes, that is my child. No, I did not take this photo.) * When we brought home our adorable mutt, Zulu, a number of friends told us that a puppy was a great training run for parenthood and that we’d have a baby within a year. Much to our surprise, they were right on both counts. We had our first child eleven months later, and this year we’ve learning that puppies and babies are remarkably similar in some ways. 1. How they’re similar: Once upon a time, I said that I would never have a dog or a baby sleeping in my bedroom. Both dog and baby ended...

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Notice of pending termination: Lactation services

Posted by on Jun 5, 2012 in Funny, Parenting | 9 comments

Notice of pending termination: Lactation services

To: Your Royal Babyness From: Your Mother Regarding: Pending termination of lactation services This notice shall serve as your first and final written warning that your in-house lactation services are in imminent danger of being terminated by your maternal provider on the grounds that you are repeatedly and vociferously demanding said services between the hours of 8pm and 7am and that you are, at intervals, willfully engaging in behaviour that violates the safety and security of your maternal provider. To wit, biting. This behavior is in violation of the Family Rules of Conduct,...

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Monkeys drinking wine, nude maternity photos, and other such topics

Posted by on Mar 9, 2012 in Funny | 15 comments

Monkeys drinking wine, nude maternity photos, and other such topics

I know I said I was going to put up a post on author’s favorite children’s books today, but I’m not. It’s taking longer than I thought it would to draft and I want to do it right. So that’s on next week’s schedule for Writing Wednesday. In the meantime, in keeping with the childhood theme this week, I’m going to put up a post containing material completely unsuitable for children. How is that in keeping with the theme of childhood, you might ask? Well, it’s in keeping with mine. To wit, an excerpt from the soon to be published Love At The Speed Of Email: “Like many kids, I...

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T’is The Night Before (A Children’s Story)

Posted by on Dec 15, 2011 in Funny, Life in Laos | 12 comments

T’is The Night Before (A Children’s Story)

It’s 8, and Mama Bear gives a yawn She’s very tired, she’s been up since dawn All day Baby Bear needed loving and feeding Up and down he set emotions stampeding She goes to bed, she begins to count sheep One, two, three, four… Mama Bear is asleep It’s 10, and Mama Bear wakes in the dark Drums and cymbals and music, hark! These are sounds she is daily dreading The loud late strains of a Lao wedding She lies in bed, she begins to count sheep One, two, three, fifty… Mama Bear is asleep It’s 12, and Mama Bear wakes in the dark Papa Bear’s snoring sounds not like a lark She tugs...

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All’s well that ends well

Posted by on Nov 8, 2011 in Funny | 16 comments

Yesterday one of my good friends, Abi, left this comment on my post about joy: “the sight of mini-Mike grinning as he leans back in the safe nook of maxi-Mike’s knee definitely came as a welcome joy-boost.” Today I have for you a one minute video, in two acts, of Dominic in that “safe nook”. The first time Mike showed it to me I said it wasn’t funny. Then I had to admit that it would have been a bit funny… had it been someone else’s child. Without further ado, here are the adventures of Mike and Dominic at...

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Breastfeeding lessons from cows, take two

Posted by on Aug 31, 2011 in Funny, Pregnancy | 18 comments

Breastfeeding lessons from cows, take two

This post is an addendum to one of my favorite posts from the last year, Life lessons in pregnancy and breastfeeding from cows. 5AM this morning: Me: “Dominic!!” Mike: “What’s he doing?” Me: “He’s latching on repeatedly, sucking nicely once or twice, then tossing his head from side to side before yanking backwards – still holding on, mind you – until my nipple finally pops out of his mouth. Then he opens his eyes wide in panic and lunges forward like a small, desperate, vacuum cleaner until he finds it again.” Mike: “Do you want me to tell you what the cows on the farm...

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Life lessons on pregnancy and breastfeeding from cows

Posted by on Mar 10, 2011 in Funny, Pregnancy | 35 comments

Life lessons on pregnancy and breastfeeding from cows

I still remember the moment, about two months after we were married, when the cows made their first appearance in the discourse of our relationship. I can’t remember what we were debating now, but it led to the following exchange. “You know who you remind me of?” Mike asked in a tone of mingled frustration and admiration. “Ivy, our second smartest cow on the farm when I was growing up.” “What?” I said. “Who was the smartest cow?” “That was Emmy. She was awesome. She was the sweetest cow ever, so bright, and so gentle. She was the queen matriarch of the herd. All the other...

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