For love or money

by Lisa

A friend sent me a tweet recently that said … Bad writing day? Probably not this bad: http://www.salon.com/2012/06/27/my_book_was_a_bad_idea/

This article in Salon tells the story of someone who quit her job to write a book that didn’t sell – a book she came to believe was a bad idea, written for the wrong reasons and in the wrong spirit. It is a raw and honest piece. One part, in particular, jumped out at me. Here, she is writing about the process of writing her book:

“…for most of that time I was not working because I was an artist who must write or die, or because I was a crusading journalist who saw truth and needed to tell it. I was a self-absorbed striver reaching for another brass ring, and I used words as the best way to get there. I sometimes hear successful authors refer to their books as their babies. In the end I didn’t love this book like a baby. I resented it for not doing what I wanted it to do, and myself for not being able to make that happen.

“In the last year and a half, since the arrival of an actual baby, it has been made stunningly clear to me that the things you love don’t owe you anything – not success, not plaudits, not a decent night’s sleep, nothing. You give them your effort and devotion because they deserve it, because their presence turns a light on in your dim little life and there will never be enough ways to say thank you. You can’t confuse what you do in the service of ambition with what you do for love. I love my kid and she literally vomits all over me constantly and I don’t care. I love writing, too, and I’m sorry to admit that I was using it to selfish ends.”

I’ve been thinking about these comments since I first read them. They raise all sorts of questions for me about the nature of love and ambition, and the dangers of trying to make a living doing what you love.

Is it true that the things you love don’t owe you anything, that the purest sort of love is completely unconditional?

This implies that true love is un-self-conscious, always focused out, always giving regardless of the return on investment. Ambition, in contrast, is all about return on investment.

How does this play out in what we do? When we’re doing something we love in an area where passion meets talent – writing, painting, cooking, listening, speaking, performing, helping, whatever – on a good day we can lose ourselves in that activity. We can experience what artists call flow – a deep, happily-absorbed focus on what we’re doing.    The self- and other-awareness inherent in ambition is the antithesis of flow. Ambition by its very nature seems incompatible with flow.  

But if love and ambition really are so incompatible, what does this mean when we try to meld passion with ambition and make a living doing what we love?

I’m reminded of a social psychology experiment that divided college students who liked to solve puzzles into two groups. One group was allowed to keep solving puzzles as before, the other group was offered a small financial reward for each puzzle they solved.

After a couple of weeks the people given a financial incentive were less interested in solving puzzles on their own time. Although these people had earlier been just as eager as those in the first group, offering them an external incentive seemed to kill their internal drive.

“You can’t confuse what you do in the service of ambition with what you do for love.”

Yet isn’t that exactly what we do the minute we try to make money doing what we most love doing?

It’s a bit of a conundrum, isn’t it? It’s clear that if we try to make a living doing what we most love doing we risk enjoying that activity less the minute we are dependent upon the paycheck it generates. Yet the alternative – making money doing something that we don’t find as enjoyable or meaningful, and reserving our truest passion activities for evenings and weekends – isn’t that appealing either. Especially not during a season of life when evenings and weekends are crowded with the never-ending demands of young children.

I don’t have any easy answers on this, but I’d love to hear your thoughts.

What do you do for love? What do you do for ambition? Where do the two overlap? How does that work (or not) for you?

Image credit: http://blog.mycreditspecialist.com

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5 comments

morealtitude August 16, 2012 - 7:06 pm

Hmm. Pretty sure that’s my tweet up there 😉

I found it a hugely confronting article. Yes, the idea of questioning my motives- why do I write? Wrestling with the idea that maybe I really am not very good, and just haven’t realized it yet, and wondering what that would mean if I were to discover that. Struggling with the idea that if I ever tried to write for money I might kill this passion… Yet desperately wanting to be able to put more time [and ideally wanting to be able to make a living off it someday]… Ugh! I appreciate the author’s honesty, but it made me feel VERY uncomfortable. But maybe that’s a good thing…

Amy Gibson August 16, 2012 - 7:12 pm

I love my job as an epidemiologist. I get paid, but I don’t know exactly what my salary is, nor did I ask when I accepted the job. I don’t know how frequently I get paid either. When I got a third day of childcare I accepted it right away and requested to work an extra day- which to my delight I got. My income isn’t essential to our family (although it will allow us to start saving again). I’m really lucky. I wish I could pass on some of my job enjoyment to Matt and share it around a little.
I’m not at all ambitious- all I’ve wanted to do is to do my job well (and keep learning how to do it better). I did start sewing and selling my work for a little while before I returned to my epidemiology job. When I started pricing the work and asking for money it did rather sour the experience a little. I just love making things to give away so much more than for sale.
Just a few of my disjointed thoughts…
big hugs, Amy

Abi August 17, 2012 - 3:58 am

I know one thing, that making a living doing something you don’t value is misery! For better or for worse, I’m just about to transition into doing the thing I love… Hey, I’ll let you know!! xxx to y’all, I know you need them Abi

Nancy August 27, 2012 - 3:21 pm

Lisa, I am loving the book, reading it on way back to DC after spending a few days with you. Mike is correct, you really have a gift. Actually you both have a gift. Thanks for putting your dreams and questions out there for others to be inspired. I am…..to take the next step and share some of my story….

Lisa August 28, 2012 - 8:44 am

Thanks Nancy, looking forward to talking more about that.

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