Everyone says motherhood is full of surprises. They’re right. Here are 24 of mine.
I never thought I would…
1. Leak milk at the sight of a puppy.
2. Wipe up baby spew with clothing that I am wearing.
3. Consider 6 a.m. on a Sunday almost a sleep-in.
4. Refer to my spouse as “daddy” more frequently than I call him by name.
5. Still have my child sleeping right beside my bed 5 months after his birth.
6. Still want my child to sleep right beside my bed 5 months after his birth.
7. Catch poo with my bare hands.
8.Find myself physically incapable of letting the baby cry for longer than 57 seconds without comforting him.
9. Find myself physically incapable of concentrating on conversations, tasks or oncoming traffic when the baby is crying.
10. Understand why the manufacturers felt it necessary to print the following warning label on pacifier packaging: “Warning: Do not tie pacifier around a child’s neck as it presents a strangulation danger”.
11. End up with a red-headed baby who is below the 40th percentile for weight and height (I mean, we’ll keep him because he is the most adorable baby ever, but I seriously think he may have been switched at birth).
12. See regurgitated milk land in my (brown) hair and think, “it’s only a little bit, I don’t need wash it out today.”
13. Find myself speaking in a high-pitched musical tone even when I’m not talking to the baby.
14. Ricochet emotionally from extreme highs to extreme lows within half an hour.
15. Change four diapers in 20 minutes.
16. Feel guilty for leaving the baby with someone else for an hour so I can do some work.
17. Function adequately (most of the time) on this little sleep.
18. Say everything twice (“What’s the doggie doing, Dominic? What’s the doggie doing?).
19. Allow the dog to lap up milk that the baby has spewed up.
20. Call the dog over to lap up milk that the baby has spewed up.
21. Allow the baby to lap up milk that the baby has just spewed up. (Off my shoulder, people, not the floor. Hey, I work hard to make that milk, if he wants to drink it twice, that’s fine by me).
22. Feel the urge to sneeze and think first of my pelvic floor.
23. Think of household items such as bed sleepers and rocking chairs with the same acquisitive lust heretofore reserved for ice cream makers.
24. Feel so immediately, incandescently and uncontrollably joyful when the baby laughs.
If you enjoyed this post, stick around! Subscribe to my blog by RSS or by email (enter your email address top right) to receive updates about our adventures in parenthood and in Laos, and check out some of the following pregnancy and parenthood-related posts:
- Koi Maan Luuk: Or, I Am Pregnant
- Finding Out You Are Pregnant, In Slow Motion
- Life Lessons on Pregnancy and Breastfeeding from Cows
- It’s a…
- Ten Good Things About Boys: Attaining Synthetic Happiness One Gender Stereotype at a Time
- Lessons in breastfeeding from cows, take two
- Tough Love Take One